Go ahead, say it. Lesbian. The word fills your mouth and rolls of the tongue, conjuring up sexy, steamy thoughts of two buxom lass' braiding each others hair right before they get down to business, bumping doughnuts. Be it a tickle fight that ends with an innocent kiss or what ever, all men think about and love lesbians. I'm no different, with one exception.
Lesbians hold a special place in my heart because of the way they affirm me as a man. In this age of equality, there are few distinctions that separate men from women. Women make the same amount of money. They hold the same jobs, even have the same rights as their counter parts. It wasn't always that way, and in some ways its still not quite equal.
Today I saw a girl in a plaid shirt and cargo shorts riding a bike with legs that where hairier than mine, no small feat mind you. I can honestly say i was impressed. At first glance, my thought was "DAMN that dude is skinny!". After my double take i noticed that dude wasn't a dude and doesn't have sideburns. All the tumblers lined up. There might have been an audible click, even.
I'm not a chauvinist. I think women and men are the same all the way to the core, sans testicles. Then again ovaries are just inside balls. Whatever that's not the point. The point is, that when I see two women walking down the street holding hands, my brain doesn't instantly jump to a saucy pillow fights, in lingerie. I know that like snow flakes, no two lesbians are alike, but one thing is for sure; I grow a way better beard and moustache than any lady outside of a circus side show. I'm proud of that. I'm not going to apologize about it.
That put a perma-smile all over my chevy chase. It made me feel better to know that in this day and age with women holding doors open for men and riding motorcycles and junk, there is still one thing that men can do better than most women.
Long live the soul patch
firstly-- love your blog Ed.
ReplyDeletesecondly--i'm so glad you 'heart'(by the way it's totally gay to spell that out) lesbians. I'm even more happy that girls like me make you feel so proud of your ability to grow hair on your face. really?
third thing--what you should really 'heart' about lesbians is our willingness to give hairy straight dudes like you helpful hints about how to do stuff to your apparently hairless straight ladies. y'know, the stuff only girls know about what girls like. AND most of us will give this advice for free! That, my friend, is why you and every other straight dude should 'heart' lesbians. We're here to help.