Does this look swollen?

Funny thing about being a married guy my age, I no longer have to play the field in search for the almighty bush. According to a recent survey, i just made up, men think about sex every seven, wait, I was thinking about sex, seconds. A lot has changed in the age of information. Now-a-days, a horny man or woman only needs to go online to one of the plethora of  sites vying to put two peoples naughty parts together. Getting laid now is as easy as logging into your email account.
  For the people that still like the thrill of the hunt, the game is even more complicated. After desperate horny  glances are exchanged, the question  " Are you on Facebook?" always pops up. The act of "creeping" online is, by most people in the dating pool, considered a second date. Doing this, you can find out your preys likes and dislikes, giving you something to talk about on your next date. Of coarse this is all proceeded by the ubiquitous sexts and racy photos.
   Since when is it considered OK to send a veritable stranger  a picture of your junk?  Almost as if to say        " Hey, what do you think of this?". A risky maneuver if there ever was one.  Sending an example of your trouser trout to your next hook up can be a double edged sword. It lacks the 4D elements that you need to actually find out if you and your  prospective mate are compatible. On the other hand, sending a cock/bush pic does have its advantages. For one thing, a huge piece might be heroic in size but equally heroic in stench.The same can be said of a nice looking gash, all groomed and vagazzeled. Who knows if its seen more bell ends than weekends, leaving it all roast beef sandwich-y.
 But I digress. My point, if I even have one is that sending or receiving a saucy picture is a lot like sneaking into your parents closet and opening your Christmas presents in July. You're still happy to get it but the thrill of unwrapping a mystery is gone.
Unless you're one of those poor uncircumcised souls. In that case give the unsuspecting intended recipient a heads up of what your packing. That shits just gross.
Keep it in your pants kids.

I Heart Lesbians

 This city. This glorious place we live in is so full of life and wonder. Walking along Queen st. West, I noticed something that I never gave much thought to before. Its something all men think about, whether we admit it, or not. LESBIANS

  Go ahead, say it. Lesbian. The word fills your mouth and rolls of the tongue, conjuring  up sexy, steamy thoughts of two buxom lass' braiding each others hair right before they get down to business, bumping doughnuts. Be it a tickle fight that ends with an innocent kiss or what ever, all men think about and love lesbians. I'm no different, with one exception. 

 Lesbians hold a special place in my heart because of the way they affirm me as a man. In this age of equality, there are few distinctions that separate men from women. Women make the same amount of money. They hold the same jobs, even have the same rights as their counter parts. It wasn't always that way, and in some ways its still not quite equal.

  Today I saw a girl in a plaid shirt  and cargo shorts riding a bike with legs that where hairier than mine, no small feat mind you. I can honestly say i was impressed. At first glance, my thought was "DAMN that dude is skinny!".  After my double take i noticed that dude wasn't a dude and doesn't have sideburns. All the tumblers lined up. There might have been an audible click, even.

  I'm not a chauvinist. I think women and men are the same all the way to the core, sans testicles. Then again ovaries are just inside balls. Whatever that's not the point. The point is, that when I see two women walking down the street holding hands, my brain doesn't instantly jump to a saucy pillow fights, in lingerie. I know that like snow flakes, no two lesbians are alike, but one thing is for sure; I grow a way better beard and moustache  than any lady outside of a circus side show. I'm proud of that. I'm not going to apologize about it.

That put a  perma-smile all over my chevy chase. It made me feel better to know that in this day and age with women holding doors open for men and riding motorcycles and junk, there is still one thing that men can do better than most women.  

Long live the soul patch 

The jump off

                           Well, you cant start just anywhere, can you? That being said, lets start in the middle.
Its me and her. And them. They, the sex killers, the time stealers, the money siphons. Those little shits. My two beautiful little girls. Whom i love very very much. My protegee . Phie,  5 and Lil, 2.
     I'm not going to lie, It hasn't been easy. Making a relationship like ours work, can at times be a real grind. But the love is strong. Always has been too. To catch you up to speed, Ill give you the Coles Notes version.
Her friend was a bank teller who I flirted with. She invited me over to a party. I met her roommate. My jaw hit the floor. Two months later she moved in with me. We had kids. We got married.
   Now we live in "Scenic Parkdale", downtown Toronto. Canada.
But that's that. Me,  I'm a butcher, by trade. I love food and cooking but I cant stand how fake people are about food these days. Food culture is out of hand.
   Living in this world class city, I come across a lot of crazy shit. Now you can look forward to an account of the the fun shenanigans I get up to. I'll warn you though, this is gonna get weird. And dangerous,.Yeah lots of danger, maybe.