I recently bumped into an old friend. We grew up together in North York and I hadn't seen him in something like 12 years. I greet him warmly and we both agree to catch up over some cold beers.We head to the closest watering hole for suds, the 'Shoe on Queen st. I love this bar. It's one of the coolest dive bars we got in Toronto.
We walk in to the joint and the smell hits me in the face, like a brick soaked in beer and piss. Walking towards the back of the bar the music gets louder because a local five piece is doing their thing on the stage at the rear of the house.My buddy and I grab some '50s from the bartender who by the look of it, has seen better days. We settle into a banquette along the corner of the bar and I ask him what he's been up to and where he's been since last we'd seen each other
He goes on to tell me that hes been in Israel serving in the army for the last 3 years. My mind is blown. This fucking guy is the last fucking guy you want with a gun, let alone in the army with access to guns. I'm so gobsmacked that I can't even get my shit together to ask him "How the fuck did this happen?" Which is good because he goes on to spin the most ridiculous yarn I've ever heard, a real whopper.
He starts by telling me "Something like ten years ago I went to Israel and found God there." I cold laugh in his stupid face. This putz sitting across from me hadn't changed one bit. When we were growing up, he went to a Hebrew private high school. Every time he got too high, he got all religious and would swear to God that he was going to change his ways. This happened too many times to count and I just couldn't take him seriously. I mean, I've actually seen him do rails off a strippers ass, no foolzies.
I stop laughing long enough for him to tell me that he was briefly engaged and the woman that he was going to marry called off the wedding two weeks before the ceremony because her mother no longer approved of him. He went on and on. It was a lot of fun to sit and chat with him because of all the good old times we had had. Then I realized we no longer have anything in common. I start to tell him about my wife and kids and what it's been like to have a family. He politely listens and waits for me to finish before asking me, I shit you not, "How come theres no hot bitches around?" What does one reply to such an eloquent question? I tell him "Um its Tuesday night, the hot bitches don't come out till Thursday." He laughs and reaches for his ringing cell phone, in his breast pocket. He gives some lousy directions to someone and ends the call. "This girl is coming to meet me here, man. She's so hot. Eighteen, man." he adds with a stupid smile," and I think I love her." I'm like, "You just got here last Thursday night, you met a girl and you're already in love with her?" He goes, "Wait till you see her, I met her at the airport."
I'm already picturing this gross pig. When she arrives, I'm not even surprised. She looks like a straight up hot dog with tits. And the fashion sense is amazing, too. Not to get too specific but her toes were hanging so far over the edge of her shoes, that it looked like they were holding on for dear life. Wow, just wow. After having a couple more drinks, I couldn't stomach it any longer. In all this time he hasn't changed one bit. The shit this guy was saying made me sick. He's still doing coke off of strippers sticky, glitter covered bodies. I can't listen to the way guys talk about girls anymore.
Is the world completely overrun by dicks? I hope not, for my babies' sake. I hope that some men are teaching their sons about how real men treat women. I mean, aren't there enough assholes in the world already? Lets work together to ensure that the future isn't a total Mike Judge movie. Force people around you to grow and to live up to their potential. It's literally the least you can do.
